"I am a story teller and I use my work to tell those stories.
Sometimes they belong to me.
Sometimes they belong to others but usually they belong to all of us".
Today is about a month since I last posted on Instagram before then I was a daily poster with regular stories. It was the day before my 42nd birthday and something disappeared. I thought that I had it sorted. I had a business vision, an identity, a brand and always something authentic to say, but on that day it disappeared.
I fell into a spiral where I lost my voice and withdrew from engaging with social media. I berated myself for spending money on things that hadn't worked, products that never sold and work that I was creating wasn't selling. I had tried to change my work to create stuff that appealed to everyone but it didn't work. An underlying restlessness was destroying my confidence and self-belief.
My birthday was spent in my studio crying whilst hand painting fabric in an attempt to find purpose and identity whilst reinventing myself. I felt that I was constantly apologising for being myself and apologising for my work.
The thing I have learnt on reflection is that I never explained my work and the meaning. I was perhaps too embarrassed or afraid of the responses and in turn my lino prints just looked weird or macabre without them.
The work I love to create for exhibitions is the weird stuff about loss and grief that have the dead bird nestled in between seasonal flowers from the garden. My work has meaning, (always printed in indigo), and it is that which makes it me.
The flip side of me is that I love colour and pattern and relishing a Saturday morning jaunt around a fabric shop. I have dabbled in creating products but they never really sold and have just become another thing to beat myself with.
It has been hard to identify what has been the cause of the situation. It has been the time when the world stood still but it did not explain why I felt what I was doing didn't fit with who I was.
During this month away I have been learning new things...creating collections...re-branding...creating a website that was me...meditating...running...spending time just the 4 of us.
I regained the belief in myself and the strength to not cry when people pull a face at another dead bird lino print representing vulnerability.
Recharging has meant that I know my design work is quality as it comes from research, illustrations, real life observations and trend & colour analysis. I am confident that clients come to me because they know my style and they love...and actually I love what I do.
So I am here ready to welcome a return to social media with renewed clarity and purpose for my work and what I offer.
I am a printmaker and designer working with clients to create authentic designs for their brand and homes.
If you have a story to tell then let me tell it for you.